I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
