you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
