she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
