I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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