i jhust puked up my retainher.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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