He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
