well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
