Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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