I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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