just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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