My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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