yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
