I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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