you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
