is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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