I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
