I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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