when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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