Will you blow on my dice?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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