How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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