I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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