there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize