Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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