He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
