are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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