my sisters under your porch take her home
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
