u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize