Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
