Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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