at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize