I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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