I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
