if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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