i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
