U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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