Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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