i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
