Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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