i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
