A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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