My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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