I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
