he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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