Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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