I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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