she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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