Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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