He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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