he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
