Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
