HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
