PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
