how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
