I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
