Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
