why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
