Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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