sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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