Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
