So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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