remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
