evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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