What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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