Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
