You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
