Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
