she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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