I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
