If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
