Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
