out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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