the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
